GeekyArtistArabWoman - Lubzi

The juice of my heart

I call myself Lubzi. I am from Palestine. I live there too
I am a blend of cultures, a salad of sounds, colors & words. I like to create. I love learning. I aspire to inspire. I seek freedom, harmony, peace and justice. I like to be a bridge between hearts and minds, between people from different cultures and backgrounds.
Here you'll find my theatre sound designs, audio art pieces, some of my writings and sketches & all kinds of crazy mixes and audio experiments that I do.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Till Your Ears Bleed - My 2010 Welcome theme




TillYourEarsBleed.mp3


I made this  piece in san francisco in year 2000.
in year 2001 my 'industry' (I.T)  'crashed' .. my company went under . i lost my job on my birthday in june 2001.
paradise lost .. the dream of freedom and dignity slipped again from my fingers .. that freedom i was only able to feel in the United States of America.
I am serious. I felt a connection with the land and the people. I felt i am able to belong , and belong and belong. I was able to live my different identities . i was able to be an Arab , an artist , a woman, a geek , a Canadian even , I was able to be a better Canadian in the USA. I was able to wear my  Palestinian Koufiyeh and my Jordanian shmagh without fear.. I was able to get involved and express myself as a citizen even though i wasnt even a US citizen! True I was living in a very special place , California is a special place. I was involved in politics without fear. I love that place!
i had to leave. jobs were scarce after the hi-tech bubble burst .. and after 911 there was no chance on earth for me to get a job .. an Arab and not even an american , arab looking and with an accent .. not the perfect age or gender or skin color either .. no way.. i tried very hard..  but ..no way
i couldnt afford it ... i realized my generous severance package will run out soon if i dont do something ...
so much soul searching..
so much .. day and night
battling with my fear
barely any support
i came up with the decision to go back to Canada! after all i am a Canadian citizen , this is my country too.. it is my country in a different and special way .. a country of choice. I jumped through hoops and loops to make it my country . I studied and passed. I went through rigorous examinations and had to live in freezing cold for years to earn my Canadian citizenship.
i was drawn to Canada because of the reputation it has, the values it preaches . not because i was starving in my country. I thought it was a place where people have dignity and freedom and equality. and everyone has the same opportunity and respect. I wanted to live in canada because i wanted to live in a democracy and in peace and have opportunities and be able to help others in the world. That is why I chose Canada to be my new country.
Living in the east wasnt bad. The culture in Montreal is awesome . there is racism but at least there is culture and passion and good food. but the weather is very cold!   it's just frigging cold ! so so so cold ! no one can comprehend the intensity of this cold except people who live in it.
the gas used to freeze in my car . i once cried from the cold. i made the mistake of taking off my mitten to try and open my car door , the lock was frozen , the exposure of my hand without the mitten for a few minutes made me cry , i felt my fingers will fall off ! it was so painful!
no way would i go back! so cold!
i decided to go back to school to become a film director !
i decided to move to Vancouver. and i didnt know anything about Vancouver. just that it's the closest biggest Canadian city, never been there and met maybe only 3 or 4 people from there in all the years i lived in Canada!
I drove up all the way to vancouver. I slept in the car at night  and drove during the light.
I had a dream long before this happened. It was strange because I dont know much about vancouver, I never think of vancouver. It was sometime in  2000/2001 I was working in silicon valley totally enjoying the sun and the freedom and the opportunitues..
i had a dream one day , in my sleep; I dreamt i was in Vancouver , and there was an earthquake ..
i was alone .. and the earth was shaking .. but a voice inside me was telling me not to be afraid .. i was ducking  under a small construction that looked like a box made out of concrete and i was feeling safe and that everything will just be allright!
this song was my canada re-entry theme. i drove up all the way to Vancouver.. it was fall time and the colors of the leaves was fascinating .. on my way i found a safari zoo , and then a bird sanctuary .. i stopped and visited ! i felt free and in bliss.
l never ended up living in vancouver or  going back to school.
my life took turns like i had never expected..
i discovered that the east is not like the west . the frost of the cold is mercy compared to the cold fire of the racism.
what a hard decade ! I call it my British Columbia decade!
the hardest in my life but fantastically transforming!
I thank Canada , I love Canada , and I am a proud Canadian , still inspired by the canadian values of human rights and freedom and protection of the environment and animals and caring and helping other people of the world.. etc..  which are unfortunately being stepped on by our government while canadians watch silently!

so there you go , that is the story of this music
Goodbye 2000-2009
welcome
2010 !
may it  be  THE year where the deepest human aspiration of peace and fulfillment of basic need becomes reality

Monday, December 28, 2009

Where are the horses? وين الخيل

سألت الطير ياخدلك رسالة
I asked the bird to deliver a message to you
تشرح لوعتي وشوق الليالي
That explains my burning and my longing nights
وانا قاللي الطير
and the bird said to me
ما يقدر جناحي
My wings cannot
على حمل الحنين
carry all the longing
اللي بالرسالة
in this message
....
وين الخيل
where are the horses?
تشق الليل
to break the silence of night
تاخدني ديار الغالي
and take me to the lands of the loved one
عالفرقة ما عادلي حيل
i cant handle being away anymore
حالي بيشفق على حالي
my self feels sorry for myself
مش قادر اصبر
i cant be patient
ومنين
and from where
صبر بلاقي
can I find patience
دلوني
guide me
...
...


Tuesday, December 8, 2009

3 Racism Mixes

This is how I express my outrage at racism that I am constantly exposed to, me and many many others in this world.

Here is my Racism Tune Pack

Sunday, December 6, 2009

I am addicted to حمص (Hummus)

TITLE: I am addicted to حمص
DATE: 11/14/2006 20:00:28




I am addicted to  Hummus حمص




I cant stop eating Hummus
عن جد... مش قادرة اوقف أكل حمص   ... بحبه بحبه
بموت في ربه


والله

شكرا يا رب على الحمص

Thank you God for the Hummus











 with olive oil زاكي مع زيت الزيتون

 and salt and lebon وملح ولمون


 and hot pita وكماج سخن
 



  and summak and cummin
وسماق وكمون
  and a fresh tomato وحبة بندورة


 






 and some olives مع شوية زتون






 God bless the Hummus يسعد رب الحمص



My feet are planted in the ground ...

But I want my head to be in the stars at the same time. to relax to the fact that things are taken care of, what will happen will happen and things are where they are and that is how it is . maybe there is a deeper meaning for things and maybe there isn't. But fighting what will happen doesnt make sense. it will not prevent it. and yes we do our best so that the outcome is favorable to us, but we can never control the outcome , just influence it , maybe - slightly. OR do we create reality with our thoughts? or prayers? I don't know . One thing I know is that if i am supposed to loose my job or home or money etc... it will happen, and just like a tree or a fish is taken care of I will be taken care of. history has proved it.
 
What makes my heart beat and my lungs breathe will keep me alive just as t happened before, lifts me from the lowest of the lowest to a place I never thought I will be in. I sometimes think that the collective thoughts of the people around us and who think of us in addition to our own thoughts is what creates our reality, or more accurately co-create our reality along with the mystery of God ... the universe ... what beats my heart and makes my lungs breathe and my eyes see...
so if you are surrounded by racists for example , and they all lay a negative discourse on you, say you are living in the heart of the most racist town and you are the only aboriginal person , all the people around you are projecting on you . they are dressing you with a particular discourse: the looser, the drunk , the lazy one.. etc... they treat you as such , you start believing them , if you believe in something but 1000 people around you tell you that you are wrong you start doubting yourself. They are creating your reality and you are playing along if you dont stand firm with your feet planted in the ground.
so there is a big story, everyone is part of writing it, if we dont pay attention who is writing our story , it will not be written like we want , we end up living someone else's dreams not yourself, lost , miserable, weak, self resentful etc...

BUT, what is the line between self deception and standing your ground, being egotistic and refusing to change or see yourself vs allowing others to write your story.. sometimes - actually more often than not, these things mix up in my mind . Once i let it go all the way and .. I paid a very high price. so I will never allow anyone to write my story no matter what.  I wont let it happen. Whatever we think we will attract - they say. So we shouldnt focus our energy on the negative and be very aware of the dangerous consequences.



الغصة كبيرة... بس الأمل أكبر
مش راح أسمح لحدا يهدني... يكسر نفسي أو عزيمتي




My inner Cat Blog

i know .. that sounds very geeky and weird. but my inner cat has a blog! Is it weird that I have an inner cat , or that a cat has a blog? or both?

you know how cats are, they like attention.
i had to post this for her ..

:)



لا تسألوني Dont ask me ما اسمه حبيبي what the name of my beloved is -فيروز Fairuz






لا تسألوني
Dont ask me
ما اسمه حبيبي
what my beloved's name is
اخشى عليكم
I worry about you
ضوعة الطيوب
from the fragrances that will fill the air
والله
I swear
لو بحت بأي حرف
If I mention one word
تكدس الليلك في الدروب
The lailacs will fill the roads

لا تسألوني
Don't ask me
ما اسمه
What is his name
حبيبي
My beloved


ترونه في ضحكة السواقي
You see him in the laughter of the streams
في رفة الفراشة اللعوب
and in the fluttering of the playful butterfly
في البحر في تنفس المراعي
In the ocean , in the breath of the meadows
وفي غناء كل عندليب
and in the snging of every nightingale

في ادمع الشتاء حين يبكي
In the tears of winter when it cries
وفي عطاء الديمة السكوب
and it the generosity of the black cloud
that is pregnant with rain
محاسن لا ضمها كتاب
 Beauty that wasnt written in a book
ولا ادعتها ريشة الأديب
or claimed by the pen of a writer

لا تسألوني ما اسمه
 Dont ask me what his name is
كفاكم
 enough ..stop
فلن أبوح باسمه
I will not tell you his name
حبيبي
My beloved..

لا تسألوني
Dont ask me
ما اسمه حبيبي
what the name of my beloved is
اخشى عليكم
I worry about you
ضوعة الطيوب
from the fragrances that will fill the air
والله
I swear

لو بحت بأي حرف
If I mention one word

تكدس الليلك في الدروب
The lailacs will fill the roads

لا تسألوني
Don't ask me
ما اسمه
What is his name
حبيبي
My beloved


Saturday, December 5, 2009

- A woman's dairy - by Nizar Qabbani - يوميات إمرأة

Nizar Qabbani was called the poet of women because he often puts himself in her shoes and writes from a woman's perspective. This is a part of one of his poems that he wrote from a woman perspective.


Why in our city
لماذا في مدينتنا ؟
Love is fake and smuggled?
نعيش الحب تهريباً وتزويراً ؟
We steel from the cracks of the door
a meeting
ونسرق من شقوق الباب موعدنا
exchange letters
ونستعطي الرسائل
and go on dates
والمشاويرا
Why in our city
لماذا في مدينتنا ؟
They kill birds and emotions?
يصيدون العواطف والعصافيرا
Why are we tin foil?
لماذا نحن قصديرا ؟
what good is a person
وما يبقى من الإنسان
when he becomes tin foil?
حين يصير قصديرا ؟
why are we duplicitous?
لماذا نحن مزدوجون
Feelings and thoughts
إحساسا وتفكيرا ؟
Why are we earthly?
لماذا نحن ارضيون ..
Low , afraid of the sun and the light?
تحتيون .. نخشى الشمس والنورا ؟
Why are people in our town
لماذا أهل بلدتنا ؟
torn by their contradiction
يمزقهم تناقضهم
In their Waking hours
ففي ساعات يقظتهم
They violate the braids and the skirts
يسبون الضفائر والتنانيرا
and when the night hides them in its folds
وحين الليل يطويهم
they ....(i'll check what he means here)
يضمون التصاويرا
I ask myself always
أسائل نفسي دائماً
Why wouldnt love in the world be
لماذا لا يكون الحب في الدنيا ؟
for all people?
لكل الناس
all people
كل الناس
like the rays of the dawn
مثل أشعة الفجر
why can it be like bread and wine
لماذا لا يكون الحب مثل الخبز والخمر ؟
like water in the river
ومثل الماء في النهر
like the clouds , and the rain
ومثل الغيم ، والأمطار ،
and the grass and the flowers
والأعشاب والزهر
isnt love for humans
أليس الحب للإنسان
like a life within a life?
عمراً داخل العمر ؟
why cant love in my country be
لماذا لايكون الحب في بلدي ؟
natural?
طبيعياً
like lips meeting lips
كلقيا الثغر بالثغر
and flowing
ومنساباً
like my hair flows on my back
كما شعري على ظهري
why cant people love with ease and softness?
لماذا لا يحب الناس في لين ويسر ؟
like the fish in the sea?
كما الأسماك في البحر
like the moons revolve in their orbits
كما الأقمار في أفلاكها تجري
why cant love in my country be
لماذا لا يكون الحب في بلدي
necessary
ضرورياً
like a book of poerty
كديوان من الشعر
My breasts in my chest
انا نهدي في صدري
are like two birds
كعصفورين
that died of heat
قد ماتا من الحر
like two oriental saints
كقديسين شرقيين متهمين بالكفر
accused of heresy
كم اضطهدا
How (so often) they were oppressed ...
وكم رقدا على الجمر
How they lied on the bright coal
وكم رفضا مصيرهما
how they refused their fate
وكم ثارا على القهر
how they revolted over injustice
وكم قطعا لجامهما
how they broke their leash
وكم هربا من القبر
and how they ran away from the grave
متى سيفك قيدهما
when will their chains be untied?
متى ؟
when
يا ليتني ادري
I wish i knew
نزلت إلى حديقتنا
I went to our garden
ازور ربيعها الراجع
to visit its beautiful spring
عجنت ترابها بيدي
i kneaded its dirt with my hands
حضنت حشيشها الطالع
I embraced its grass
رأيت شجيرة الدراق
I saw a little peach tree
تلبس ثوبها الفاقع
wearing her bright dress
رأيت الطير محتفلاً
I saw the bird celebrate
بعودة طيره الساج
the return of her lover
رأيت المقعد الخشبي
I saw the wooden chair
مثل الناسك الراجع
like the returning monk
سقطت عليه باكية
i collapsed on it .. crying
كأني مركب ضائع
like a lost boat
احتى الأرض ياربي ؟
Even the earth , oh God
تعبر عن مشاعرها
expresses her feelings
بشكل بارع ... بارع
in an amazing way..
amazing
احتى الأرض ياربي
even the earth,  oh God..
لها يوم .. تحب فيه ..
has a day ,
to fall in love
تبوح به ..
to express it
تضم حبيبها الراجع
to embrace her returning lover
وفوق العشب من حولي
and on the grass around me
لها سبب .. لها الدافع
she has a reason
she has a motivation
فليس الزنبق الفارع
neither the tall tulips
وليس الحقل ، ليس النحل
nor the fields
nor the bees
ليس الجدول النابع
not the bursting stream
have anything
سوى كلمات هذى الأرض ..
except the words of this earth
غير حديثها الرائع
I feel inside me a resurrection
أحس بداخلي بعثاً
that breaks my shell off of me
يمزق قشرتي عني
and drives me to run
ويدفعني لان أعدو
with the children in the street
مع الأطفال في الشارع
I want
أريد..
I want
أريد..
like any flower in the garden
كايه زهرة في الروض
she opens her teary eyelids
تفتح جفنها الدامع
like any bee in the garden
كايه نحله في الحقل
she gives her useful nectar
تمنح شهدها النافع
I want
أريد..
I want to live
أريد أن أحيا
with every cell of me
بكل خليه مني
the pleasures of this life
مفاتن هذه الدنيا
its velvety wide night
بمخمل ليلها الواسع
an its biting cold winter
وبرد شتائها اللاذع
I want
أريد..
I want to live
أريد أن أحيا
All the heat of reality
بكل حرارة الواقع
All the stupidity of reality
بكل حماقة الواقع
My brother's is back from the whore house
يعود أخي من الماخور ...
At dawn ... drunk
عند الفجر سكرانا ...
He returns,
like a Sultan
يعود .. كأنه السلطان ..
Who made him Sultan?
من سماه سلطانا ؟
and he stays in the eyes of the family
ويبقى في عيون الأهل
the most beautiful..
the most precious
أجملنا ... وأغلانا ..
and in his clothes of whoreness
ويبقى في ثياب العهر
he remains, the purest and the most virtuous
اطهرنا ... وأنقانا
My brother is back from the whore house
يعود أخي من الماخور
like a cock , in ecstasy
مثل الديك .. نشوانا
Praise whom created him from light
فسبحان الذي سواه من ضوء
and created us from cheap coal
ومن فحم رخيص نحن سوانا
and praise him who erases his sins
وسبحان الذي يمحو خطاياه
and does not erase ours
ولا يمحو خطايانا

Friday, December 4, 2009

Silent Night / Oumin

Beddi Haberkon / Nejmet Eid

Snow .. Snow and Jingle Bells

Fairuz Jingle Bells (in Arabic) فيروز ليلة عيد



ليلة عيد ليلة عيد الليلة ليلة عيد
زينة و ناس صوت جراس عم بترن بعيد
ليلة عيد ليلة عيد الليلة ليلة عيد
صوت ولاد تياب جداد و بكرا الحب جديد
عم يتلاقوا الأصحاب
بهديي خلف الباب
في سجرة بالدار
و يدوروا ولاد صغار
و السجرة صارت عيد
و العيد اسوارة بأيد
و الأيد تعلق عالسجرة
غنيي و عناقيد
يا مغارة كلا بيوت
تلمع متل الياقوت
كيف جبتي عالدار
تلج شرايط و قمار
مين اللي جاي بعيد
عم بيرش مواعيد
يدق بواب الناس و يمشي
و الخير علينا يزيد