I watched myself die
my beloved ones were all around me
they were saying 'don’t go; , 'don’t go'
i am not the one who's making the decision
i was in pain, eating up every single cell
'don’t go'
i am trying not to
i sweat
she came in
no one saw her but me
she was wearing white
and she had a strange calmness on her face
her glowing face
she took my hand and said 'come'
she said it's time
it's time for me to die
i tried to resist
but i was paralyzed
the last breath left my body
i saw my soul parting from my body
from my legs, from my stomach
from my sensitive hands
my loving heart
my thinking brain
i saw my blood freeze in my veins
and my thoughts turn into stones
and my emotions turn into rocks
i left my body
yellow, pale
i looked at my body
as if we have nothing to do with each other
my loved ones were all crying
crying at what once was my body
i watched them
didn’t feel anything
i saw them wash my body
pray on it
wrap it in cloth
they took it to the cemetery
and buried it
they cried and cried
and my soul was still floating
watching
and days passed
and they forgot
slowly but they did
and now my soul is still there
watching over them
loving them
but they forgot
and i am a ghost
I walk down the streets of Amman
and they cant see me
the flowers don’t see me anymore
the streets don’t see me anymore
i never occur to them
'allah yir7amha' is the peak of their remembrance
i walk down the streets of Ottawa
and they never were able to see me
and wont
and cant
only us dead people see each other
in the in-between zone
let's be happily dead together
maybe we'll feel less dead
come on
Ottawa - 1990 something
