My third anniversary in Canada

Celebrating my anniversary
Three years  I’ve been in 'your' land
my new 'home'

Have you ever been in dream?
where you know it's a dream
and whatever happens doesn’t make a difference
cause you'll wake up and the dream will be over
beauty and fear and love is not real
just a dream
Have you ever found the magic lamp?
and rubbed it and got the genie
but you couldn’t think of anything to wish for
cause life has lost its contrast
cause nothing can revive your dead heart

Feels like thirty years
It's weird, the transformation
I watch myself live, and do things
like watching a soap opera on TV
I watch me make objects
and work and sleep
I sometimes feel sorry for that character
but I am mostly indifferent

Someone built a time machine
and I the adventurous wanted to test it out
the machine ran out of gas
I got stuck between two worlds
I shattered into 30 million pieces
they spread over the empty space
they float between the planets
aimless
feeding on patience
from music
and poetry
I carve my fingerprints on pieces of wood..
and I watch me...

Ottawa -  1999

Thank you for the pain

thank you for the pain
by pain i grow
thank you for the hurt,
it makes me glow
you, the oh so limited
invoke my limitlessness
the suffering upgrades my senses
i feel more
i sense better
i can see through walls
and hear sounds kilometers away
you are small
but you know how to hurt and enjoy it
but you're doing me a favor
i'm sure your limited mind doesnt know it
you help me grow
much bigger than even your coldness
i know it's beyond you to understand
but i have to thank you
thank you for the pain

Ottawa - 1999

The Death of "Dream"

one day someone knocked my door
i opened there was no one
just a little basket with a baby boy in it
a little baby boy who became my son
i fed him from my breast
and my heart
i called him 'Dream'
he was my security for the future
my eternal happiness
habibi my dream
i killed it
i killed my dream
because it was too big for me
to beautiful to be true
loosing him would be a disaster
i was afraid
that he would grow
and become more handsome
and i would love him more
and loosing him would hurt more
so i killed him
he was a baby
innocent
pure
didn't get contaminated by civilization
i killed him
with my own hands
because
i would die if he got polluted
my dream
habibi
he was smiling
with his rosy cheeks
his freshness
his beautiful big green eyes
tiny fingers
tiny toes
steals any heat away
makes the cruelest of all men
cry
with tenderness
habibi
dream
was smiling
when i killed him
now i am dreamless
he was the light of my life
ro7I , 7ayati
i killed him!

Ottawa - 1999