Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Trusting you for Real Democracy?
p.s : "You" and "Me" doesnt necessarily mean the individual you and me, but more the big YOU and the big ME.
I recently got involved with an initiative that was brought to me by Israeli ProPalestinian activists. They asked Palestinians who cant vote in Israel to take their votes, as a form of protest, they committed to voting according to instructions of those Palestinians who don't have the 'right' to vote in 'Israel'. They used the system they disagree with to make a statement. Some think of this as hypocrisy or normalization. Not me. I welcomed the initiative and the attempt to reach out and build bridges. I took things with a clean heart and innocence. I've been reaching out to antizionist Jews in Palestine and elsewhere. I took a chance and participated. Unfortunately it wasn't a positive experience. I was left with the usual bitterness I'm left with whenever I put hope in 'the other side'. I felt used and betrayed. I felt angry.
Wow? all that because we edited your statement?
No. you didn't 'edit' my statement. There is a difference between editing and making up stuff I didn't say, shoving it in the middle of my statement and when I object telling me I shouldn't make a big deal. That is typical patronizing behaviour of the entitled. You didn't value the trust I gave you, you didn't understand the risk I took when I took a chance on you. How could you? you are acting with entitlement. You wanted to promote your good deed and feel good about yourself, ease your guilty conscience. calm your white guilt. That was much more important than reaching out, building trust and laying a foundation for an equal partnership and a common future.
I lived among racist white people in the past. I know white guilt and white virtue when I see them. When I say white, I don't necessarily mean the color. White isn't just a color, it is a place of power and privilege.
I have an entitlement meter. Being from the middle class and having my own privileges too compared to the less privileged put me in two places at once. I was confronted with my bullshit in the past. I moved up and down the ladder constantly which made my privilegeometer sharp and sensitive. You took me for granted and thought of yourself as the hero of heros for considering my existence. Of course you're doing much better than the crazy zionists you're surrounded with, but you need to do much better than this.
You need to understand I don't trust you. You never gave me any reason to trust you. On the contrary. You gave me all the reasons in the world to not trust you. I learned that trusting you always proves to be a mistake. And you keep breaking any trust I dare to give you when I'm foolish enough to give you a chance. You go and prove me foolish. You embarrass me with those around me and most importantly with myself. The stupid are the ones who never learn. The reckless trust those who prove they're not trustworthy. But I will resist the temptation. I won't close my heart, yet I have to be extra careful. I also have to tell you my truth with open honesty. I won't let it pass. You can't tell me it's not a big deal or not make it a big deal. I decide what is a big deal for me. When I take a chance on you I am swimming against the mainstream current. I risk being called a normalizer by some. I have never been and will never be a normalizer. I refuse the status quo. I refuse the existence of the Jewish state. I don't believe in Israel's right to exist. I believe Israel is nothing but a mythical tribe with imaginary history used by zionists as an excuse to steel our land and lives. I do believe in the right of the people who call themselves Israelis to exist and live in peace and harmony with the children of Palestine, now that they're here. No one has the right to 'throw them into the sea' or treat them the way they treated us. I believe in the one state solution which means I believe they too will be future citizens of a new democratic free Palestine, As long as they respect this land and its children. I acknowlege our common humanity and believe in the goodness in every human spirit. I believe we are all a product of our conditioning and we need to clean up our mind and heart in order to get along and resolve our common problems.
I refuse and fight Zionism with all my might. I gave you a chance because I believe in a one state called Palestine. For all Palestinians here and in the exile. A state that you will be part of. A New Democratic free Palestine in which we are all equal. In which you are a citizen just like me. I reached out because I wanted to know you, measure you, feel you. I saw whiteness, I saw someone swinging around their undeserved privileges in the form of entitlement. No need to make a big deal of it, you say. If you're not smart enough to see that your future depends on me and people like me just like I can see that the only solution has to involve you and we have to be partners then we're leaving matters in the hands of crazy extremists who will burn the place down on all our heads and who will persecute me and you. You acted with entitlement. You gave yourself the right to put words in my mouth, words i didn't say. You acted like it's strange and a big deal that i was disturbed by your behaviour. That is a typical way those who feel entitlement behave. As long as you don't see how you act like you own the world then there's no hope for a dialogue or a solution. I still wont give up on you though.
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