The four walls

Hey four walls,
stop staring at me
I’m sick of you staring at me
why don’t they make triangular houses?
or cylindrical houses?
I need to go out,
sleep under the sky,
where there are no walls
I need to breathe
I need a tree
a tree to hold me
a very green tree
that would love me
I need to touch the soil
smell the soil

but it's cold outside
damn it. It's so cold,

there are only plastic trees outside
there is no soil, just concrete
stupid tear, why don’t you come out?
come out, there is no one to see you?

stupid scream come out, no one will hear you
what a long night.
can't wait for the sun
will it ever come up?

Ottawa - 1997

Black Flowers

Once upon a time, there was a little girl, or maybe a little boy, we don’t know anymore, for it was a long long time ago.
The little girl fell in love with a star. the star was already in love with a flower.
The flower's thorns hurt the girl, the girl turned into a monster, she started destroying every flower. she painted them all black.
The star was up in the sky, didn't do anything at all, till now , no one knows if she ever cared.
The flower died, and all other flowers turned into black stones.
The girl remained a monster, and she is still somewhere in some forest. She visits me sometimes, and brings me a bouquet of black stones.
Maybe someday she will not be a monster anymore, or she will stop coming here.
I'm moving at the end of the month, maybe she won’t be able to get to my place, but I feel sorry for her.
I know she will find her way to my new place anyway.
Maybe I’ll return to my previous shape, an alley cat, but there are no alley cats here, there is just aristocats, cats with toys and flee collars and meow mix.
Maybe if I’m back to normal again, as my real self, the stray cat, maybe monster girl wont find me. I hate black stone flowers

Ottawa - 1997

The Flag

she crossed the desert,
she had a little flag ,
they where chasing her, wanted to take that flag away,
they had swords, they caught her,
they chopped off her right arm, the flag fell down,
she picked it up with her left arm up and ran , fast, a trail of blood
on the sand, Arab blood, with all the colours of the flag
she ran , it hurts, it's hot , she's thirsty,
they are chasing her, she reached the north pole,
it's cold, cruel cold, and she's thirsty,
they chased her still, they looked different but they are the same,
they caught her , they stabbed her in the back,
cut her left arm, the flag fell down, she fell down , bleeding,
the flag was next to her heart, in her heart, they couldn’t take it away.

she is bleeding, they were talking , yelling,  'forget ' they said,
she couldn't speak, she was in pain, she felt the flag next to her
heart, she smelled the Nile, the lemon trees of Jericho,
they shouted :'forget' , she heard the sea, port said, intima' intifada, watan, watan, watan, watan........, aqaba, ladqyeh.
She saw lots of hannoun, and olive trees, she heard Marcelle singing Mahmoud Darwish, 'muntasiba el qamati amshi... marfou3a al hamati amshi, fi kaffi qasfatou zaitounin wa3ala katifi na3shi, wa ana amshi...'  and um kalthoum was singing. Al Mutanabbi, Ahmad Shawqi, Abu el Qassem, Ilea, Imrii el Qais, Jubran, Qais wa Laila, Salah el Dein, camels, horses, the dome of the rock.
Al Joulan, Baghdad, Sina , Muthaffar, Sabra and Shatila... all the saints  where  there.
They yelled 'Forget Forget !!!!!'
NO, she said. That was the last word she said.

Ottawa  - 1997/8

Because they know

Because they know..
They will never have one moment of peace of mind..
Because they know that even if they erase it from the map they can never erase it from our hearts.
Because they know that our children will grow up and still be in love.
Because they know that even if one generation didn’t fight , the next will.
Because they know they can drive us away, but never change our blood
Because they know we will carry the love of Palestine with us till after we die.
Because they know that no invader can sustain forever
Because they know that they have no right - absolutely none.

-Ottawa - 1990-something

The Ghost

I watched myself die
my beloved ones were all around me
they were saying 'don’t go; , 'don’t go'
i am not the one who's making the decision
i was in pain, eating up every single cell
'don’t go'
i am trying not to
i sweat
she came in
no one saw her but me
she was wearing white
and she had a strange calmness on her face
her glowing face
she took my hand and said 'come'
she said it's time
it's time for me to die
i tried to resist
but i was paralyzed
the last breath left my body
i saw my soul parting from my body
from my legs, from my stomach
from my sensitive hands
my loving heart
my thinking brain
i saw my blood freeze in my veins
and my thoughts turn into stones
and my emotions turn into rocks
i left my body
yellow, pale
i looked at my body
as if we have nothing to do with each other
my loved ones were all crying
crying at what once was my body
i watched them
didn’t feel anything
i saw them wash my body
pray on it
wrap it in cloth
they took it to the cemetery
and buried it
they cried and cried
and my soul was still floating
watching
and days passed
and they forgot
slowly but they did
and now my soul is still there
watching over them
loving them
but they forgot
and i am a ghost

I walk down the streets of Amman
and they cant see me
the flowers don’t see me anymore
the streets don’t see me anymore
i never occur to them
'allah yir7amha' is the peak of their remembrance
i walk down the streets of Ottawa
and they never were able to see me
and wont
and cant
only us dead people see each other
in the in-between zone
let's be happily dead together
maybe we'll feel less dead
come on

Ottawa - 1990 something