حب

كل حجر بيعرفني

كل حجر بيقولي اهلًا 

كل شجرة بتقوللي بحبك

الارض كائن حي

بيحزن وبيفرح

وبيحب

وهاي الارض

مليانة حب 

من قديم الزمان

مليانة حنان

من آلاف السنين

هاي ارضك  

فلسطين 

خيارات

الانسان وليد بيئته. لما نولد ما بنختار مكان ميلادنا ولا اسمنا ولا برجنا ولا الدين اللي المجتمع قرر سلفا نعتنقه. قرر سلفا تتبعه وتقتنع انه الحقيقة المطلقة.

لكن لما نبلش نكبر وننضج ويزيد الوعي والتفكير تبعنا ونملك قرارنا العقلي بنبلش نتفحص معتقدات اللي ربونا: اهلنا وجيراننا واللي بيحكيه التلفزيون وعادات وتقاليد المجتمع اللي ما اخترناه  لكن هو اختارنا. 

بنكتشف انه كتير أشياء مش مزبوطة وان كتير من الأشياء اللي اتعلمناها مش صح.

بنكتشف انه ما في غولة ولا بعبع، والبساط السحري ما بيطير ولا عمرو طار.

 وان مش كل شي اتعلمناه صح. بنقرر ايش منطقي وايش مش منطقي. ايش إنساني وايش مش إنساني. بنكوّن آراء وقناعات جديدة مختلفة عن اللي تربينا عليه. لكن اذا ما نضجنا عقليا او ما تجرأنا نفكر بسبب الخوف والإرهاب الفكري رح نطلع نسخة من اللي قبلنا ونحاول نطلّع أولادنا نسخة طبق الأصل منا. في هاي الحالة ما بيتطور المجتمع. بيظهر مجموعات متشددة جداً في فرض المعتقدات القديمة وعدم قبول التغيير. بيصير في صراع يشد لَورا. صراع ممكن يدمر المجتمع.  

The present is a present

the past has passed
اللي فات مات
الماضي وهم
كأنه ما كان
ولا حصل

الحب ما بيموت love doesn't die

الحب ما بيموت

ما بصدق

الحب الصادق بيموت 

بيتراكم عليه زفته وخرى

ووجع قلب

وجروح 

بس يموت؟ مستحيل

اذا مات يعني ما كان موجود

الحب هو كل شي

كيف ممكن كل شي يموت

مستحيل

الحب هو اللي بيعطي معنى للحياة

وطعم

مستحيل يتبخر في الهوا

متل الكذب

متل الوهم

يصبح عدم 

But we are now total strangers

We are not friends , never in touch 

I look your name up online out of curiosity. 

You seem happy, healthy and successful

You have your own safe comfortable world

which I'm not part of

In which I never stepped

Of which I know nothing

And I'm a total stranger to you

You seem to have love and luck too

I wonder if I ever occur to you

Maybe when you listen to music I played once with you

Maybe when you hear a song you shared with me 

I'm happy you're doing well

I still don't understand

How can this happen?

I don't think it's right

How does love die like that?

Was it really love?

Because if it was it wouldn't have died. 

ظاهرة المزاودة في المجتمع الفلسطيني

ظاهرة المزاودة في المجتمع الفلسطيني بطلت مجرد ظاهرة، صارت تراث وأسلوب حياة وفن ماشالله. والتنظير هو الرياضة القومية عنا هون. بديش أعمم بس وين ما بتطلع بشوف مزاودة وتنظير.

مزاودة في الوطنية والأخلاق والدين والذكاء والشجاعة واللي بدكم إياه. اي شي يخطر عبالكم بتلاقوا من يزاود وينظر.

 الواحد فيهم خبير وما حد بيعرف أحسن ولا اكتر. الواحد منهم حامل فلسطين عكتافه لحاله لباله. الواحد فيهم أبو التقوى وبينَظِّر عالناس في موضوع الدين والتقوى. بيقرر مين صالح ومين طالح وكأن مفاتيح الجنة بايده وكأن الدين مطوّب باسمه.

أما الأخلاق... حدث ولا حرج. ما حد أنظف ولا اشرف منه. وكل الناس وسخة... كل الناس التانية غيره عملاء ومرتشين وفاسدين. أما هو. هو الكمال المكمل هو التمام التام. 

هو اللي عارف طريق تحرير فلسطين. بيزاود على الشهداء وعلى المقاومين. بيزاود على الله والأنبياء في موضوع الدين. أخلاقة هي الأعلى وأفكاره هي الصواب الوحيد. رأيه هو بس السديد الحكيم الرشيد. 

أحلى شي اللي بينظروا عن المقاومة المسلحة. قوم ياخي اتفضل ما حد مانعك. روح دبرلك شي بارودة أو رشاش وطخلك كم مستوطن. حد ماسكك؟ ما تقول صعب الحصول على السلاح. هيهم في الأعراس بيطخطخوا في السما عمال ع بطال. هاي مراجلنا. بدل ما تكتب عفيسبوكك وانت قاعد بتشرب قهوتك وسيجارتك، ياللا قوم فرجينا مراجلك يا أبو الكفاح المسلح وفوهة البندقية. وإلا مستني أبو مازن وأبو خرى يسلحوك؟ وإلا مستني عبد الناصر يطلع من قبره ويسلحك؟ وإلا مستني منظمة التحرير تنظف وترجع للكفاح المسلح؟ وإلا مستنى يطلع قائد عربي جديد ما ولدته ولاده يقودك ويدربك ويعطيك سلاح وفوقه بوسه؟

لشو التنظير؟ لشو المزاودة؟ مش عارف شو تعمل نقطنا بسكوتك. خايف؟ اسكت وانستر. مش عاجبك المقاومة السلمية؟ فرجينا مقاومتك المسلحة تنشوف. 

بلا خيبة.   

Selling your soul to the devil

You don't understand 

I don't think you will

I sold my soul to the devil once 

And for years 

I tasted luxury

I enjoyed convenience

But the emptiness only grew bigger

I was alive

But dead inside

The bad karma grew huge

I paid the price

For years

I paid in suffering

And rivers of tears

I'm not surprised you can't see

I couldn't see

For years

I wasted my life

And my precious soul

It is a miracle

That I was able to redeem myself

And retrieve my soul

From the claws of the devil

You won't understand 

I'm trying to spare you

The pain to come

When you realize

The mistake you're doing

I walked the path 

You so eagerly want to walk

I injured myself

Some of the wounds will never heal

And I feel

You will 

Go 

And do what I did

I wish you could listen 

With your heart

Put your intellect aside

And feel my words

Don't serve the devil

You'll never gain

You think you can 

Serve evil 

Yet win

No

I tell you again

Don't

Compromise 

Don't participate 

You can change things

Create

Something real

Don't serve this fake institution

Don't sell your values

Don't

It's prostitution 

I know

I was one of the prostitutes

I prostituted my mind

And heart

To greed

And empty ambition

I was a tool

In their hands

I can't still believe

I'm free

Yes

I'm finally free

I wish you let me spare you

What I've gone through

You will discover for yourself

The emptiness of your choice

The danger of compromise 

They're the devil

In disguise

I'm not talking bullshit

I've been there

I want you to be happy

But will you?

You will be part of the machine

That crushes us all

You'll pray for a fake god

You'll help the rich get richer

And the poor get poorer

And the oppressed get more oppressed

And the powerful get more powerful

Is this why you're here?

Why can't you hear

Me

Plead to you

Don't 

Don't

I've seen many choose 

To serve the gods of greed

And  loose

Their heart and soul

I said what I have to say

Go on your merry way

I wish you the best

Nablus cab of preachers

Nablus cab. Just me and another passenger. Then this woman came in. Talk about annoying ,aggravating.
She asked: how many people are already in the car? I said: 3, including you. She said: we'll read the 'ants sura' (al namel verse from Al Koran) so that God will bring some passengers and make our path easy. She started praying aloud. I had a towel behind my head because the chair is uncomfortable.
Her husband tries to make me change my window seat and give it to her. I ignored him. She decided she's ok sitting in the middle.
She asked: does your neck hurt you?" She thought I was a guy. I said to her I was a her not a him. She asked me where I was from. I said from Bethlehem. She asked: why are you going to Nablus? I said: باستنكار because I am visiting someone there. She said: 'oh! But you're from Bethlehem?' So because I'm from Bethlehem she expects me to be going to Bethlehem. How stupid.
She then asks me: are you muslim it Christian? I said باستنكار : why?? She said: oh nothing, we're all brothers and sisters. I said: exactly. And ignored her question.
Then she gets a rosary out of her bag and starts praying aloud. As if she wants me to pray with her.
She was examining my face and especially my hair. I closed my eyes. I saw her staring at me. I felt her gaze go through my eyelids.
Then I started typing on my iPod. She said: 'subhan Allah. He gave us the gift of the brain with which we can understand the world and make things like the computers. Prophet Mohammad predicted this many years ago. He predicted we would have a way to see and know everything. Subhan Allah. Elhamdu lillah'. She wanted me to repeat after her. She was trying to bully me with her religion. She was trying to use religion to place herself above me. I kept writing while noticing that she was taking glimpses at me.
Her husband was outside chatting with the driver.
She started telling her husband to call someone to drive them to Nablus because this will take a long time. Her husband started fantasizing about having his own car. He wants it to be red. She told him lets pray to get the car. Again she was trying to gain power and practice authority over her husband using religion WTF.
Every now and then she bursts in loud prayers while taking glimpses at me.
All the while, in the meantime. The loudspeakers in the mosque are blasting with the Friday preacher spewing all kinds of bullshit about women.
She starts to investigate the driver too. 'You're from Nablus, right?', from which family? ..
Another passenger apppeared.
She says : verse 61 of the 'ants' sura... If you wants god to make your path easier...
The men interrupted her and talk to each other..
Then one of the men gets back to her: what does aya 61 say?
She repeats it aloud.
She starts asking him about his grape vine. She wants some grape leaves.
She mentioned they went to hajj together.
In every occasion she sticks in a duaa or a prayer very aloud.
Then jumps to talking about grape leaves.
And back to preaching..
All the while the jomaaa preacher yapping.
She keeps repeating information to all passengers about her discovery about aya 61. Did you memorize it? She says? He says: I already know it.
She gets the rosary out of the bag again and keeps on preaching and talking about how she prays and keeps repeating prayers aloud. A woman sat next to her. Preaching lady was thrilled, she preached and prayed aloud and pushed around even more.
The car filled up faster than expected. She affirmed that was a result of her repeating aya 61 of 'Surat el namel'
She preached about the importance of el salat ala el Nabi , mentioning the prophet Mohammad and praying upon him- in Friday at this time of the day. She is yapping and yapping and yapping. I wish she would just shut up.
The azan blasts from more speakers along the way. She goes on praying aloud - again - as if she says: look at me. I'm the righteous one. Look at me. I'm the believer. I'm the good one.
Every now and then she goes on and on again. So annoying - public postering. So obnoxious.
She raises her hands to the sky so pretentiously to show everyone in the car she's a righteous worshipping muslim. she has a prayer for each occasion it seems.. She prays aloud. She talks about her hajj trip and her appreciation for her holy rosary. She preaches and preaches...
I wish she would shut up. I wish she would disappear.
One man who was in hajj with her have her his camera to look at the pictures and video of the hajj.
They started talking again about the prophecy. How Mohammad predicted we'd have a device that shows us the world without leaving our home. The other woman said he predicted TV also and live broadcasting. 'Jibreel took el Nabi and showed him Jerusalem too'. Someone said.
She watches the pictures without shutting up. The man in the back - the camera owner discusses the pictures with her. She goes on and on about the gift of hajj how it is the best thing that god can give a person and was glad to preach some more and posture and jump up and down to show her righteousness. In every conversation she sticks in a doaa. The man in the back shows her pictures of his son and grandson. She says: Allah yihfazo and yihfaz wlad el muslimeen. (wishing well for all children of muslims) Fuck you, I think.
She recites prayers wishing for all people to find god. I felt she was directing it to me. She was stealing glimpses at me and my odd appearance.
Now she talks about an aya 47 from Surat Youssef for protection of your home and from evil eye. She tried to push the woman next to her memorize it.
More passengers joined her preaching rampage.
The man in the back says that if someone had money for 5 years and does not go to hajj. He will die kaffir. (Infidel)
Obnoxious woman starts on again. She said she didn't bother to bring gifts for people. She instead bought stuff from Jenin and pretended they're from Mecca. How honest.
She got only zaman water and holy dates from makka and fortified it with her special prayers.
Some man in the back preaches about smoking and that it is haram (forbidden). The other guy argues that it is only makrouh (hated by god) but not haram. ProSmoking man said : who said its haram? Preaching man said: I say so. I cant decide what is not haram but i decide what is haram.' He comes up with arguments that it is haram. Anything that distracts from prayer is haram. Including TV and anything else. Really?
Wtf.
I can't wait till I get the hell out of this cab. I need to get out from this religious hypocrisy hell.
I long for a bit of solitude.
The cab's here
What a relief.

هالراس

اقطعوه

راسي

عحسابكم

وعلقوه

على باب المدينة

خلوه عبرة

 لمن يعتير

او لا يعتبر

عحسابكم

يا بني امي

بلا منه هالراس

مغلبني أصلا

صحتين عليكم

من عز النوم...

صلوا. ما حد مانعكم...

بس من حقي انام.

حد يقولّه ان مكبر الصوت بيكير

كتير

حد يقوله يوطيه

او يطفيه

بكل عزم امه وأبوه

وكل العشيرة

طب ماله المنبه

انا شو ذنبي

حد يخترع جهاز كاتم الصوت

كانه قاعد حدي ..

كانه قاعد على راسي

في جواة راسي

في نص اذني

ما بيصير انا انام

عشان انت رايك

الصلاه خير من النوم؟

ديمقراطية

مش سامعة تفكيري

بيسكت شوي

ببلش اتنفس الصعداء

بيرُد يبلش من جديد

هو وغيره

تنافس بيصير

عالي عالي عالي الصوت

رح انطرش حاسة

انا شو ذنبي؟

انولدت عندكم

بعترض على الملأ

بتحسس رقبتي

ديمقراطية عربية

نكتة عصرية

شهيق عميق

زفير كبير

اه يا حرية

سكت

رد رجع

مين اللي اخترع الكهربا

بدعي عليه

شهيق عميق

زفير كبير

اشتقتلك يا هدوء

وين أيامك يا سكون

يا حرية

يا طفلة وحشية

طرشا

شهيق

زفير

شهيق

زفير

أوهام صداقة

واضح انك
بتعتبري
عادي انك
تجرحيني
وعادي جداً
تتركيني
بدون اعتذار
أو اي أسف
على اللي صار
لا تسألي
ولا تحسي فيّه
كأني
مش موجودة
كأني
انسانة خفية
كأني معلش
حلال
جرحي
وحلال
تهينيني
وكأنه
مافي مشكلة
تتجني علي
وتظلميني
سو هادا
ما يستأهل
انا اتراضى؟
يالللا وشو عليه
لا انتي اول
من جرحني
وغيرك
قبلك
كتير
ذبحني
عشان يعني
أعطيتك أهمية؟
وحطيتك على راسي
وفي عينية
كبر راسك
واتشطرتي عليَّ؟
أعطيتك اهتمام
وهذا كان
اكبر غلط
مهوّ الاحترام
مع اللي ما بيحترم
ما عمرو زبط
تعاليتي
وتكبرتي
لا تلوميني
انتي اللي اخترتي
تجرحيني
بدون إحساس
ولا اي ندم
كأني ولا شي
اقل من العدم
شكرًا الك
على الدرس
مش ببلاش
هاي الدروس
مش ببلاش
ولا بفلوس
هاي الدروس
حقها الم
حقها الندم
شكرًا يختي
انك صححتي
اوهامي
وصحتيني
من أحلامي
أحلام هبلة
مالها أساس
في الواقع
عن صداقة
أزلية
وأرواح بتتلاقى
بحرّية
أحلامي الوردية
السخيفة
العبيطة
الطفولية

Why write

Nawal Sadawi says that she writes because she enjoys writing, no matter what the price is, she writes because nothing is as joyful to her than writing, not even life itself.
I wish to be like her. I
aim to be like her.
Not vain, not a martyr.
Not write out of urgency or necessity.
Not write out of isolation and marginalization.
Write out of pure joy.
Joy that is bigger than love and life.
Joy bigger than fear of death or judgement of people or my own judgement.
Write because it's one of my natural states of being.
Create constantly intensively, without fear or judgement or drama.
Create because it's my essence to create and that is the way to ultimate joy.
Create because that's what makes life meaningful.
No inhibitions.
No holding back.

Nawal!
Grant me your courage.
Grant me your independence and confidence.
You're a light that has always and will always shine in my life.

Wrong place.. Wrong time.. المكان الغلط... والزمان الغلط

I thought I was in the wrong place
It turned out that I'm in the wrong time
When you're in the wrong time
Every place is the wrong place
كنت بفكر اني في المكان الغلط
طلعت في الزمان الغلط
لما الزمان يكون غلط
اي مكان بيصير غلط

The only right place is the placeless.. The spaceless..
The only right time is the timeless, the infinite, the eternal..

Ingleezi

مش فاهمة ليش في عرب ما بيحكوا مع بعض غير انجليزي. مش كلمة هون وكلمة هون، لا كله انجليزي. ليش؟ ولاد اللورد   والّا بنات هير ماجستي الكوين؟

والا عندهم عقدة نقص بتخليهم يبجلوا لغة المستعمر؟

وبلَكنة امريكي غالبا.

انا عشت أكثر من نص حياتي بعد البلوغ في شمال امريكا بس بستحي من حالي لأني صعب علي احكي عربي كامل بدون كلمة انجليزي هون والّا هون.

ماله العربي؟

 ولسة ناس اكتر ما بيتراسلوا غير بالانجليزي، مش مراسلات شغل، لا، ايميلات صحاب، جلسات تشات... 

  هل هذه فزلكة أم ماذا؟.بعض هاي الناس ما عمرها طلعت برة البلد او زارت بلاد اللغة الانجليزية

 انا عشت سنين طويلة بالانجليزي , كنت اشتغل وافكر واحلم واكتب واقرأ واعبّر عن نفسي بالانجليزي . وبرضه بخجل من حالي عشان صعب علي اكتب عربي بسهولة. وببذل جهد اني اكتب عربي

يا ترى شو اصل هاي الظاهرة في الطبقة الهاي فاي أو اللي حابين يُعتبروا منها؟

بحب اعرف عن تاريخها وكيف اتطورت.

شي غريب يا ناس.

World War Three

Revolution Attempt

Get your free kaz - #sounddesign #music #iidj :

Nuclear Candy (Made in the U.S of A) غرام - انتقام #SoundDesign #AudioArt #Resistance #Iraq

Trusting you for Real Democracy?

p.s : "You" and "Me" doesnt necessarily mean the individual you and me, but more the big YOU and the big ME. 

I recently got involved with an initiative that was brought to me by Israeli ProPalestinian activists. They asked Palestinians who cant vote in Israel to take their votes, as a form of protest, they committed to voting according to instructions of those Palestinians who don't have the 'right' to vote in 'Israel'. They used the system they disagree with to make a statement. Some think of this as hypocrisy or normalization. Not me. I welcomed the initiative and the attempt to reach out and build bridges. I took things with a clean heart and innocence. I've been reaching out to antizionist Jews in Palestine and elsewhere. I took a chance and participated. Unfortunately it wasn't a positive experience. I was left with the usual bitterness I'm left with whenever I put hope in 'the other side'. I felt used and betrayed. I felt angry. 

Wow? all that because we edited your statement? 

No. you didn't 'edit' my statement. There is a difference between editing and making up stuff I didn't say, shoving it in the middle of my statement and when I object telling me I shouldn't make a big deal. That is typical patronizing behaviour of the entitled. You didn't value the trust I gave you, you didn't understand the risk I took when I took a chance on you. How could you? you are acting with entitlement. You wanted to promote your good deed and feel good about yourself, ease your guilty conscience. calm your white guilt. That was much more important than reaching out, building trust and laying a foundation for an equal partnership and a common future. 

I lived among racist white people in the past. I know white guilt and white virtue when I see them. When I say white, I don't necessarily mean the color. White isn't just a color, it is a place of power and privilege. 

I have an entitlement meter. Being from the middle class and having my own privileges too compared to the less privileged put me in two places at once. I was confronted with my bullshit in the past. I moved up and down the ladder constantly which made my privilegeometer sharp and sensitive. You took me for granted and thought of yourself as the hero of heros for considering my existence. Of course you're doing much better than the crazy zionists you're surrounded with, but you need to do much better than this. 

You need to understand I don't trust you. You never gave me any reason to trust you. On the contrary. You gave me all the reasons in the world to not trust you. I learned that trusting you always proves to be a mistake. And you keep breaking any trust I dare to give you when I'm foolish enough to give you a chance. You go and prove me foolish. You embarrass me with those around me and most importantly with myself. The stupid are the ones who never learn. The reckless trust those who prove they're not trustworthy. But I will resist the temptation. I won't close my heart, yet I have to be extra careful. I also have to tell you my truth with open honesty. I won't let it pass. You can't tell me it's not a big deal or not make it a big deal. I decide what is a big deal for me. When I take a chance on you I am swimming against the mainstream current. I risk being called a normalizer by some. I have never been and will never be a normalizer. I refuse the status quo. I refuse the existence of the Jewish state. I don't believe in Israel's right to exist. I believe Israel is nothing but a mythical tribe with imaginary history used by zionists as an excuse to steel our land and lives. I do believe in the right of the people who call themselves Israelis to exist and live in peace and harmony with the children of Palestine, now that they're here. No one has the right to 'throw them into the sea' or treat them the way they treated us. I believe in the one state solution which means I believe they too will be future citizens of a new democratic free Palestine,  As long as they respect this land and its children. I acknowlege our common humanity and believe in the goodness in every human spirit. I believe we are all a product of our conditioning and we need to clean up our mind and heart in order to get along and resolve our common problems.

I refuse and fight Zionism with all my might. I gave you a chance because I believe in a one state called Palestine. For all Palestinians here and in the exile. A state that you will be part of. A New Democratic free Palestine in which we are all equal. In which you are a citizen just like me. I reached out because I wanted to know you, measure you, feel you. I saw whiteness, I saw someone swinging around their undeserved privileges in the form of entitlement. No need to make a big deal of it, you say. If you're not smart enough to see that your future depends on me and people like me just like I can see that the only solution has to involve you and we have to be partners then we're leaving matters in the hands of crazy extremists who will burn the place down on all our heads and who will persecute me and you. You acted with entitlement. You gave yourself the right to put words in my mouth, words i didn't say. You acted like it's strange and a big deal that i was disturbed by your behaviour. That is a typical way those who feel entitlement behave. As long as you don't see how you act like you own the world then there's no hope for a dialogue or a solution. I still wont give up on you though.