My third anniversary in Canada

Celebrating my anniversary
Three years  I’ve been in 'your' land
my new 'home'

Have you ever been in dream?
where you know it's a dream
and whatever happens doesn’t make a difference
cause you'll wake up and the dream will be over
beauty and fear and love is not real
just a dream
Have you ever found the magic lamp?
and rubbed it and got the genie
but you couldn’t think of anything to wish for
cause life has lost its contrast
cause nothing can revive your dead heart

Feels like thirty years
It's weird, the transformation
I watch myself live, and do things
like watching a soap opera on TV
I watch me make objects
and work and sleep
I sometimes feel sorry for that character
but I am mostly indifferent

Someone built a time machine
and I the adventurous wanted to test it out
the machine ran out of gas
I got stuck between two worlds
I shattered into 30 million pieces
they spread over the empty space
they float between the planets
aimless
feeding on patience
from music
and poetry
I carve my fingerprints on pieces of wood..
and I watch me...

Ottawa -  1999

Thank you for the pain

thank you for the pain
by pain i grow
thank you for the hurt,
it makes me glow
you, the oh so limited
invoke my limitlessness
the suffering upgrades my senses
i feel more
i sense better
i can see through walls
and hear sounds kilometers away
you are small
but you know how to hurt and enjoy it
but you're doing me a favor
i'm sure your limited mind doesnt know it
you help me grow
much bigger than even your coldness
i know it's beyond you to understand
but i have to thank you
thank you for the pain

Ottawa - 1999

The Death of "Dream"

one day someone knocked my door
i opened there was no one
just a little basket with a baby boy in it
a little baby boy who became my son
i fed him from my breast
and my heart
i called him 'Dream'
he was my security for the future
my eternal happiness
habibi my dream
i killed it
i killed my dream
because it was too big for me
to beautiful to be true
loosing him would be a disaster
i was afraid
that he would grow
and become more handsome
and i would love him more
and loosing him would hurt more
so i killed him
he was a baby
innocent
pure
didn't get contaminated by civilization
i killed him
with my own hands
because
i would die if he got polluted
my dream
habibi
he was smiling
with his rosy cheeks
his freshness
his beautiful big green eyes
tiny fingers
tiny toes
steals any heat away
makes the cruelest of all men
cry
with tenderness
habibi
dream
was smiling
when i killed him
now i am dreamless
he was the light of my life
ro7I , 7ayati
i killed him!

Ottawa - 1999

Let’s celebrate my death

The new religion of the new world order.
I'll never follow.
The political correctness starring the God Uncle Sam.
I just cant follow.

the new religion has new 'ethics'
new definition of rights, new definition of humanity.
so flexible that you never know what it is.
is not human to kill a serial killer, it's human to kill 750000 Iraqi
children.
New definition of freedom : some have the freedom to be racists
as long as uncle Sam says it's OK.
If you're selfish then 'you're taking care of yourself'
If you try to protect your culture then you're being exclusive
If you defend Iraq then you're being inhuman.
If you oppress other people then you're being merciful
If you take a picture of a tree , the tree will ask you for copyright
If someone bashes you , then they are expressing their opinion!
If you defend yourself, then you're being a savage.
If you love your homeland , then you're a radical
If you are an Arab, then you're a terrorist.
It all depend who you are and who they are

I know I know, power makes the rules.
I know that my people are defeated.
I know that I have to resign.

I thought ruling systems don’t reflect people in the west.
I thought that they just don’t know enough, and that's why they support
those systems, I thought if they know things would be different.
Boy was I wrong.
The majority who support the aggression on Iraq don’t want to know, they
don’t want to listen, Canadians also, don’t want to listen. they lie to
their selves.

In life there are easy ways out, where people choose to be ignorant,
because if they don’t then they will have to do something.

Sometimes
I wish I could turn my Arabness off
I wish I could find the switch that would turn off my common sense and conscience.

I couldn’t!
but I resign.
I'm too sick not to

I wont write, I wont read.
I'll claim my illiteracy
I'll respect my alienation
I resign

You took my home. you deleted it from the map
not from my heart
you are taking my dignity
Go ahead,
I'm dead.
I wont feel anymore.
I resign.
I wont argue with you. there is no point.
My hope died. I don’t believe in your humanity,
I don’t believe in your fairness.
Bash me, tell all kinds of lies about me, I’m not here, I'm dead!
Kill my children, destroy my civilization, go ahead, I cant stop you!
Steal my home, change my history. I cant stop you!
You can rape me, but I’ll never bear your children,
you cant take my soul!
I'm already dead!

I'm still Arab, I am still Palestinian and will always be..
but I'm dead!
and I didn’t follow your new religion, and I didn’t forget my origin,
and I didn’t find the switch that will turn off my humanity.
and you have the power.
and I am dead
and it’s much better to be dead.

Ottawa - 1990-something

The four walls

Hey four walls,
stop staring at me
I’m sick of you staring at me
why don’t they make triangular houses?
or cylindrical houses?
I need to go out,
sleep under the sky,
where there are no walls
I need to breathe
I need a tree
a tree to hold me
a very green tree
that would love me
I need to touch the soil
smell the soil

but it's cold outside
damn it. It's so cold,

there are only plastic trees outside
there is no soil, just concrete
stupid tear, why don’t you come out?
come out, there is no one to see you?

stupid scream come out, no one will hear you
what a long night.
can't wait for the sun
will it ever come up?

Ottawa - 1997