تلج تلج عم بتشتي الدنيي تلج....

تلج تلج عم بتشتي الدنيي تلج

 

Yes... beautiful snow, clean, fluffy , gently falling, white ma a7lah
Yes snow , here in Victoria !!
2nd time we get real snow since I moved here 5 years ago.
Reminded me of Ottawa w ayyam Ottawa. I actually missed the snow.
This weekend is good. I managed to get at least 3/4 of what I have decided to do which is not bad at all.  Dick -(what a name , eh?)� the play director really liked the music I compiled for the play.. he even suggested that at the end of the play maybe we can make copies and give them to the cast as souvenirs. I thought that is a cool idea. I was flattered
Today I had a massage .. my God so much pain is stored all over my muscles. The therapist was really good and deep. spiritual and grounded. She told me about the emotions stored in the body - I actually asked her first - basically in the shoulders and upper back .. there is anger, in the lower back , financial fear.. no wonder . We had a very important conversation. I felt she was reading my mind. I am in pain because I am not acting with integrity, that is the truth. I am not being who i need to be or doing what i need to do, fear is holding me back . I told her sometimes i feel like i sold my soul to the corporation again, I am a mental prostitute. selling my brain to the highest bidder.
she also told me that the more i think of what i dont want to the more it happens and she told me to check out the movie : the secret
wow.. she told me exactly what i needed to hear , we talked about my audio engineering passion. I know this is what i need to do . how and when is the question.
I did some serious job hunting today , fixed up a killer resume , updated my training record and send my resume to 3 recruiters that have contacted me . 2 of them have interesting positions and they are in the bay area and here. i am of course still all over the place i know. but i will get more together, i see it hapening, i am meditating now, doing visualization, getting my stuff done, cooking for myself, keeping up with my chores basically.. that is good. shatra.
I want to follow the path of my least resistance. Ma biddi adall akhbout rassi bil7eit. do things the right time instead of freaking out and forcing my mind over my head. i want to be one, mind, heart and soul.
I want to see 'the sercet' . I didnt find it on limewire to download. I didnt find it in the video store next to my place either. I decided i will pay 5 USD and see it online. the trailer is mighty impressive. i cant wait,. it is now 4:35 am ya3ni kteer mit2akhkher and the movie is 90 minutes long. I dont want to fall asleep during the show... yalla a7sanlee arou7 anaam.
fi ishi 3ajeeb beseerli , kul ma baaji anaam bajoou3, I think my body is mixing up my needs. when i'm sleepy i go hungry, when i am sad i become hungry, when i am hungry i become sad... strange stuff .. wallahi ana marrat kteer ba7ayyirni...
you know what is funny , people in the street where in a very good mood , people were smilling and saying hi :) . i think the new fresh snow has a way of bringing out the happy children in all of us (or most of us)�

i just cant take it anymore...

----- -------- AUTHOR: lool TITLE: i just cant take it anymore... DATE: 11/18/2006 23:25:53 STATUS: publish BODY:

i just cant take it anymore...
it is killing me ..
my boss is an asshole , allowing every bully to overpower me and not allowing me to stand for my self , the dickface.
he know i want to keep my job and he threatens me of firing me , because some sits want to out me underneath them in the totem pole. fuck them all. i need to get out of this hell. it is great injustice. yil3an deenhum,... i am so pissed off. i've been handling the matter with the utmost carefulness... and whatever i do , he is not happy enough, he wants more. it is not enough for him to have no conflict but we wants me to kiss asses, akh shou khara hazzalameh, ghabi , gets bullied with extreme ease. and i am the 'weakest link' because i am the non white immigrant ... i have to get out of this place.
They were talking the other day onn Larry King Live on the CNN (of all places) about how our thoughts design our future. all we have to do is to think what we want and it will happen. i catch myself all the time just rerunning the tape in my mind, the tape of shit. and then i remind myslef that i cant do that. tbecause if this theory is true then i'm screwing myself up. also I have to belive in the theory for it to happen. so i need to give myself away to it. i can do that , i did it before, it worked before , both negative and positive images and realities i was able to attract. everything around me says it works. I feel sometimes that i am put in this extremely hard place so that I learn how to raise above it, out of this samsara. the cycle of fucking misery and suffering. In my mind to start, by meditating myself out of it emotionally. and then be able to visualize a different realirty and a different future. i need to access my imagination and courage .. stay cool headed and focus my energy on change
allah kareem 

اليوم طبخت طبخة بتحدى اذا اي حدا طبخها قبلي

----- -------- TITLE: اليوم طبخت طبخة بتحدى اذا اي حدا طبخها قبلي DATE: 11/15/2006 00:39:52 اليوم طبخت طبخة بتحدى اذا اي حدا طبخها قبلي: mushrooms , mussles and water chestnuts cooked with cream of celery with cumin and زعتر i cooked rice and ate hem together. عن جد زاكي كتير كتير مش جاي عبالي أنام. امبارح نمت متأخرة وصحيت اليوم متأخرة وراح علي الباص. الوضع في الشغل already صعب tight deadlines, w nass waqfeenli 3aldaqra 3unsuriyeen bi7awlou inni ankash min el shughul. bad3i ydoukou illi dukto. el 3adalah el ilahiyya. i should be compassionate and ask for forgiveness for people who hurt me. i guess i am not that evolved yet. I just dont see why someone should get away with hurting someone really badly and just move on regularly with their life...and cause more and more hurt to more and more people as they go. they have to get some kind of suffering. musta3idda asame7 lakin lamma el li azani youtloub el samaa7 li2anno dameerou biwaj3o or that they feel that they really made a mistake .. at least they need to show some kind of remorse , say sorry, and promise to try not to do it again. Maybe that cant happen in the case of the work jerks. but I would expect that from friends and family. People whose egos are too big for an apology when they hurt someone are called jerks in my dictionary. egotistic people who think they are above apologizing. If I feel someone is really sorry I am willing to forgive , I can forgive really big things and get above bad hurt. but it takes 2 to tango. otherwise i would be acting as a doormat. One thing that bugs me is rudeness and the inability to recognize that one has been rude or inconsiderate. and then follow that with the arrogance of not admitting that one has been rude , and ignoring the fact that they caused damage. They need to take a real honest look at themselves and act . they need to take the responsibility. Big egos... I cant stand people with big egos. By the way , they often are covering up for really poor self esteem. ew